Ep 36: Three Ways to Power-With and Meet Your Child Where They’re At While Keeping Them Safe

“On one hand, you feel the pressure to prepare and protect your child so they survive the Hunger Game of capitalism. That can look like never-ending urgency and pressure to teach, fix, manage, shape, and mold every aspect of your child…all the time. And this pressure to prepare and protect- when it’s out of balance- can feel like power-over which is an oppressive conditioning from white, colonial, capitalist patriarchy that centers control, coercion, and domination. On the other hand, you feel another kind of pressure to power-with with your child and meet them where they’re at so they can be their whole or authentic self.”

Episode Summary:

In this episode, you and I are going to unpack parenting worries and fears that drive us to unintentionally center coercion, control, compliance, and domination in parenting. Then, we’ll explore a three-part process of powering-with so you can design your own way to balance power-over and power-with in your parenting. You’ll also look at how power-with builds children’s brain development and social-emotional development.

Full episode transcript here.

Episode Outline

The parenting push and pull between the pressure to prepare and protect your child and the pressure to be present and power-with with your child.
Asking a better question: Shifting from “What” to “When.”
An example with a teenager doing chores when power-with was adaptive.
An example with a three-year-old during the morning routine when power-over was adaptive.
Meeting your child’s physical and emotional needs isn’t an individual assignment.
A three-part process of powering with: 1) self-reflection 2) showing up for your child’s emotional needs 3) switching from compliance to cooperation.
When your child pushes your buttons, could it be a bid for connection.
First meet your child where they’re at emotionally then “teach.”
When your child feels seen, it promotes their brain and social-emotional development.
Power-over leads to power struggles. Cooperation means co-creating solutions with your child.
Are you providing safety or surveillance in your parenting?