Ep 32: How to Work with Parenting Guilt and Self-Judgment Pt. II

“…if you’re not in a body that’s white, cisgender, heteronormative, middle class, Christian, and abled, you might have to use guilt and shame to make sure you’re not too ethnic, too queer, or too weird and therefore risk losing your jobs and your ability to pay bills and put food on the table. Or you might have to use self-judgment as a whip on your back so you keep your productivity high for capitalism and keep your authenticity at bay because it causes discomfort in the dominant bodies. Is this survival strategy a “negative core belief” or an adaptive response to the inequitable social context?”

Episode Summary:

In this episode, you and I will explore a practice that can lower the volume of your inner critics and strengthen your nervous system at the same time too. I’ll share why this practice can be really nourishing, drawing on lessons from neuroscience, western psychology, and social justice action. If that sounds generative to you, let’s get started.

Full episode transcript here.

Episode Outline

A more complete framework to teach our children emotional regulation, resilience, and problem solving and what the mainstream message is missing.
Balancing negative and positive core beliefs leads to behavioral change.
Putting “negative” core beliefs in a political context and reframing adaptive survival intelligences.
Non-dominant bodies may need shame, guilt, and self-judgment as survival strategies.
Remember Who You Are exercise: Appreciate, Visualize, Savor, and Share.
How one queer parent used this exercise.
The physiological and psychological benefits of appreciation, attention, and gratitude.
The science behind visualization.
The importance of strengthening our nervous system’s agility using savoring and sharing.
Nat’s story of the monk and the rocks.