Ep 56: Are You Regulating or Coping?

“And the reason we’re working hard to distinguish between coping and regulating is that we often mistake stability for safety. And we settle for stability instead of cultivating true safety that comes from true regulation that children need.”

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Episode Summary

In this episode, you and I are going to explore how our inner child wounds can complicate our ability to practice regulation. Then, we’ll discuss one action we can do to slowly cultivate regulation and safety, going beyond coping and surviving. So that you can offer regulation to your child and meet their needs where they’re at, most of the time. And this practice will help you stay centered in moments when your child pushes your parenting buttons too.

Full episode transcript here.

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Episode Outline

Recap: What’s your parenting got to do with your upbringing and inner child wounds?
How protection gets in the way of real connection in adult relationships, community organizing, allyship, and parenting.
When regulation leads to resentment.
Distinguishing between coping and regulating; stability and safety.
Nat’s example of her coping strategies and how they’re different for her sense of regulation and safety.
What it means to be “stuck in survival” and its cost on your well-being and health.
Why it’s even more important for us to reclaim regulation as a way to resist systemic oppression/
One invitation to slowly and in small steps cultivate safety and regulation.

Resources Mentioned:

The Polyvagal Perspective

Nurturing Resilience

Deb Dana

Ep 53: Two Overlooked Actions to Soothe Your Parenting Triggers

Ep 51: Why Intentions Don’t Matter When You’re Triggered (in Parenting & Activism)

Imperialist appropriation in the world economy: Drain from the global South through unequal exchange, 1990–2015

Dr. Robin Wall Kimmerer

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