Ep 51: Why Intentions Don’t Matter When You’re Triggered (in Parenting & Activism)

“This is why when you’re triggered and in protection mode, neurobiologically speaking- you have no access to your beautiful parenting intentions or the well-researched parenting strategies you read about last night. Or at least not until you soothe your nervous system, turn off the danger alarm, take off your superhero costume, and get from the fight-flight-freeze-fix-people please mode back into your bandwidth.”

Episode Summary:

In this episode, you and I will zoom in on our nervous system and see what’s going on in there when we’re triggered both in parenting and community organizing. Between this episode and the next one you’ll learn about three concrete tools to replace automatically reacting when you’re triggered with intentionally responding to your child and your co-conspirators in the community.

Full episode transcript here.

Episode Outline

Reviewing the superhero costume metaphor.
In connection mode, you’re in your bandwidth aka the Window of Tolerance/Ventral Vagal/Upstairs brain.
In protection mode, you’re no longer in your bandwidth and the thinking brain goes offline.
This dynamic applies to children too. An example of a child at a birthday party.
This dynamic also applies to you when you’re mobilizing with your community.
Parenting intentions and social justice intentions are out the window when you’re not in your Window (of Tolerance; bandwidth)
Under white, colonial, capitalist patriarchy where we are in survival mode most times, the work is to remember to keep getting back into our bandwidth and our connection mode when raising our children.